My children, both Gen-Z, would probably say that happiness is “such a mood.” It is a slang expression meaning they resonate with or relate to someone’s emotional state. Meanwhile, as a Gen-Xer, I might add more nuance to the word, simply by virtue of having lived more years, and describe it as a state of contentment.
Like most emotions, happiness is a layered creature, like an onion. Sometimes it is a surface-level feeling: a fleeting moment of joy that brings a smile. Other times, it reaches profound depths of peace, so powerful it can bring even the most stoic among us to tears.
Yet these days, in a world driven by checklists, deadlines, and relentless goals, happiness often gets reduced to a finish line something or somewhere to be reached and conquered, as if we are all chasing some elusive “happily ever after.” But have you considered that happiness may not be a final destination we arrive at when everything is perfect? What if happiness is, instead, a lifelong journey, one enriched by countless micro and macro experiences, marked by growth, connection, and how we choose to engage with the world around us?
Redefining Happiness
As a society, we tend to equate happiness with achievements: the best grades, the dream job, the perfect relationship, riches, or even fame. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting the comforts of prosperity. And yes, milestones can bring joy. But I would argue that they are not necessarily synonymous with enduring happiness.
In my years as a mental health practitioner, I’ve often worked with royalty, corporate leaders, the uber-wealthy, and the famous. And if there’s one thing that stands out to me, it’s this: all the money, fame, and success in the world have not guaranteed them peace.
In fact, some of the most stressed, anxious, and unhappy individuals I’ve encountered come from the upper echelons of society. My belief is that wealth, power, and recognition are often symbolic representations of well-being rather than actual states of contentment. Often, these “achievements” can render people self-centered, disconnected from daily realities, and isolated in ivory towers of privilege. It becomes harder for them to relate to others and to find genuine joy in the ordinary.
And so, I believe that when we define happiness as a destination, we risk constantly chasing something elusive never quite arriving.
The Illusion of the ‘Perfect Eureka Moment’
Many of us have been conditioned to think of joy as secondary to productivity. We chase deadlines, pursue the next big goal, and sacrifice genuine connection for efficiency. In doing so, we lose the small and big moments that give life meaning. We fall into the trap of “I’ll be happy when…”
The problem is, life is dynamic. New goals replace old ones, unexpected losses arise, and challenges appear without warning. The goalpost for happiness keeps shifting.
Another danger of treating happiness as a destination is that we overlook the meaningful stops along the way, the moments that allow us to make a difference to the world around us. These may be opportunities to reconnect with friends, to support a cause, or to positively impact others through our knowledge or presence.
Having lived more than five decades, I can tell you one thing with certainty: life is fleeting. I’m reminded of a dear friend from Penang who visited Kuala Lumpur for work in 2022. I’m so glad I hosted him for dinner, it turned out to be the last time we met. Two years later, he passed away after scheduled surgery. He never made it out alive. Connecting matters, people.
Celebrate the Successes, but Embrace the Journey
To truly live in fulfilment, we must shift our focus from celebrating outcomes alone to embracing the journey itself. Life, filled with both excitement and mundanity, joy and bruises, is the fertile ground where true contentment grows.
Happiness doesn’t have to be an elusive luxury. It should be a necessity - something we actively create or passively enjoy, depending on the moment.
So, what does embracing the journey look like?
Here are a few suggestions:
Be present: Be aware and engaged in the act of living. Laugh! A lot! Connect with like-minded people. Make silly jokes. Joviality is healing.
Be gracious: Express gratitude when you receive kindness. And when wronged, respond with purpose, not vengeance. Correct gently, let go, and move on. You will feel peace.
Give gratitude: Recognise and appreciate the small joys of everyday life. They are blocks of content.
Cultivate resilience: Treat hardships as part of life’s terrain. Grow through them and enjoy the satisfaction of having triumphed.
Become self-aware: Understand your values, pursue your passions, and do what genuinely brings you joy. This will anchor your serenity.
Personal Growth as Your Source of Joy
Life will never be free from challenges, this much I can guarantee. That is why the micro-moments of joy we choose to savour every day are so important. They provide the emotional equilibrium needed to weather life’s inevitable storms.
Happiness often blossoms not when everything is perfect, but when we evolve through our struggles and choices. Learning something new, mending a relationship, overcoming a fear, or keeping a promise to yourself, these are not just milestones. They are little stops along the journey. And at each stop, we can pause, reflect, and celebrate the small wins even as we aim for bigger dreams.
Charlie Brown: We only live once, Snoopy.
Snoopy: Wrong! We only die once. We live EVERY day.
