This is my first article for Vital Signs, and I couldn’t think of a better way to begin than by sharing a human story—my own. People often remark, “You look like you had it all figured out.” The truth is, I didn’t. What kept me grounded was an openness to embrace change, surprises, and happenstance. In reflecting on my journey, I want to share two values that have been pivotal to my mental health and psychological resilience: resilience and intentionality.
From a young age, I was determined to become a lawyer. It was a serious ambition nurtured by a family of lawyers and an excess of Matlock and LA Law. This dream drove me to law school, even returning to complete my Certificate in Legal Practice after my first daughter was born and undergoing pupillage while pregnant with my second. Looking back, I marvel at the grit and determination it took to see that journey through.
My family didn’t come from much. My father, a blue-collar worker, lost his job when I was about ten. For a time, we relied on roadside stalls at pasar malams (night market) to make ends meet. My schooling years were spent navigating long bus rides and waking up early to commute from the outskirts. To save money, I took the rigorous Form 6 route rather than a private foundation course. Along the way, I tutored cousins for pocket money and performed with a bhangra troupe to feed my creative spirit.
Resilience: A Journey, not a Destination
Resilience is often misunderstood as a goal to be achieved. My experiences have taught me that resilience is a journey, a skill honed over time. It isn’t a shield of invincibility but more like a pair of well-worn running shoes, growing comfortable as we move forward. Resilience is cultivated through challenges—just as muscles are built through exertion. To truly embrace resilience, we must acknowledge all parts of our experiences, the good and the bad, and understand how they shape the tenacity we carry today.
As I began my career, I quickly realized that active litigation wasn’t conducive to raising young children. I chose to pivot and became an educator, one of the few professions at the time that allowed me the flexibility to balance work with my daughters’ schedules. Some later described this as a “sacrifice,” but I never saw it that way. I didn’t give up on one thing for another—I chose my children because they mattered most to me.
This reframing of perspective underscores another value that has guided my life: intentionality.
Intentionality: A Compass for Life
Intentionality is the practice of making purposeful decisions with mindful thought and rational intent. It’s not about reacting to circumstances but navigating them deliberately to align with our goals and values. Intentionality has helped me prioritize my finite energy and resources, reducing regret and fostering peace with my choices.
The decisions I’ve made—whether in career shifts, personal sacrifices, or life’s detours—were taken with eyes wide open. That’s why I rarely look back with regret. Even the decisions that could have been made differently are part of the journey that shaped me.
Intentionality doesn’t eliminate life’s challenges, but it allows us to meet them with clarity and purpose. It also helps us move forward without blame, regret, or the weight of unprocessed decisions.
The Full Circle
Resilience and intentionality came full circle for me when I pursued a Master’s in Counseling. I discovered that these principles are cornerstones of Gestalt Therapy, which emphasizes embracing the whole self, integrating all parts of our experiences into a unified whole. Life, in its unpredictable beauty, often aligns our paths in ways we don’t anticipate.
For Those Struggling with Fragmentation
If you find yourself struggling with challenges, regret, or unresolved choices, it may be because parts of yourself are alienated. Healing begins with acknowledging these fragments and reclaiming them. Seek out someone—a professional, a mentor, or a confidant—who can help you find clarity and wholeness.
We’ve all made choices, and some have been harder than others. But each day offers a fresh start, a chance to be better than we were yesterday. We owe it to ourselves and the people who love us to move forward with intention and resilience.
To those wondering if the glass is half empty or full, remember: the glass is refillable.
Life, with its bruises and blessings, is a continual process of renewal. Let’s embrace it fully, one intentional step at a time.
